How To Be a Better Friend

I think we all (at least I hope everyone) can agree that friendship is something we desire. I also can make the assumption that not everyone knows how to be a good friend. ‘Good’ is a very broad word and can be defined in many different ways. Good to you may mean that they barely text or call you… ever. However, you hate talking on the phone, so boom that’s ya bestie! Or, good may look like pulling up on ya’ sis, without notice, with the Lord’s food (aka Chicfila). Whatever it looks like, truth is, we can always be better. Now don’t jump to the conclusion that you are a ‘bad’ friend. Bad is another broad word that can be interpreted several ways. Let’s just begin to bring awareness to our friendships and how we show up for those we call friend.

I would just like to quickly throw out there…personally, if I weren’t me, I would love to be my friend #Respectfully. Hopefully, you feel the same way about yourself, but if you don’t, then use that as an assessment sis. As I begin to think about my current friendships, a smile instantly reveals itself. I loveeee my frennnsssss!!!! I mean they look good, they’re successful, hilarious, and love them some Jesus (Did I mention gorgeous?). I then remember, I most def forgot to text two of them back. My response to my girls heartbreak last week was not loving. Oh, and I have not done a single thing to pour into anyone of them for some weeks. Now, I’m not really sure if I’d want to be my friend. How do I show up for my friends when I myself have a lot going on? We are aware of the desire and need for friendship, but our actions don’t always reflect that.

I am so glad God knew that we would need relationship. I mean He, Himself is a relationship (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). In Christ alone you can learn how to be the best friend ever! Even the entire bible shows us in many ways how to be a friend. For this blog, I would like to highlight the book of Philippians. Paul shows us such a beautiful and authentic picture of friendship. This book can now take on the title “The Friendship Handbook”. In all four chapters there is something to be learned about relationship/friendship. The do’s and dont’s, things to look out for, how to act as a friend, the importance of friendship, etc. Philippians placed my feet on the path to becoming a better friend and I wanted to share just a few of my take aways.

PRAY for your Friends.

Paul comes in hot in chapter one with giving thanks and praise to God for his friends, the Church of Philippi [Philippians 1:3-4]. I mean his energy is giving ride or die. He quickly explains that he is praying for them, Always! That they are on his heart, he loves them, and misses them deeply [Phil. 1:7-8]. In the next few verses, Paul shares the specific prayer that he prays over his friends.

• V.9 – that their love and knowledge of Christ will grow in knowledge and in wisdom/discernment.
• V.10 – that they choose eternal living and are found blameless & pure before christ.
• V.11 – that God will fill them with the abundance (fruit) that comes from knowing and trusting God.

maybe you saw this heading and thought “DUH, I already pray for my friends”. Same, but I was challenged by the depth of his prayer. When praying for my friends they are often for materialistic items, that they will have a good day, or the prayer request they have given me. I can not say I always pray for their life in Christ. When I read Pauls prayer I knew with out a doubt I want my friends to experience this. I NEED my friends to experience this. I encourage you to start praying this prayer daily for your friends and take note on how their life and relationship with Christ begins to shift.

Be a Friend in FAITH.

I mean Paul does not let up in chapter two as he introduces us to his homeboys, Timothy and Epaphroditus. This is not just a casual “Yo, these are my friends, they mad chill and super cool.” Timothy’s introduction begins in verse 20 as Paul tells us that there is no one like-minded when it comes to their interests (God/Spreading the Gospel). He follows up with his bro, co-worker, and fellow soldier, Epaphroditus (if you not hyping me up like this, I don’t want it). Paul is sure to let us know to hold people like him in honor. Friends ‘like him’ are the ones who don’t mind putting their life on the line for Christ. Living everyday with the goal of pleasing God and sharing His word. A person that stands firm in-front, beside, and behind their friend in Faith! Not only do we need to be this kind of friend, but this is the type of friends we need to have ourselves. [Philippians 2:19-30] It was the faithfulness and pursuit for Christ that cultivated their friendship and sustained it. May we have a faith in God that not only brings us friends, but also keeps them in our life.

Be a Friend to FOLLOW.

How did Paul know there would be generations of people who lived off “Followers” and “Following people”? Thankfully he gives specific instructions, because this is not an invitation to live a life to please people and have the most social media followers.

Verse 17 tells us that we should imitate him (Paul) and to pay close attention to people who live according to how Him and his friends, Tim and EP (that’s the nickname I gave Epaphroditus). In order to know how to live like them you will have to read your bible, but here is your introduction. They lived in obedience to Christ no matter the circumstance, had the mindset of eternity and kingdom at all times, and eagerly waited for the return of Christ.

Verse 19 explains the life of those who are enemies of the cross of Christ. They are focused on the earthly things. I hate (not really) to come into your relationship like this, but if the priority is money, fashion trends, and success; rather than our ultimate goal, citizenship in heaven, I would suggest talking to God about the purpose of that friendship.

Begin living out a life that encourages you’re friends to follow Christ.

SUPPORT your Friends.

As we finish out this Friendship Handbook Paul talks about how much it meant to know that His friends cared about Him by sending gifts and words of encouragement. This whole time Paul was in prison, and he writes to us (the church of Philippi) with so much Joy. Of course, his Joy was in the Lord, but I believe the support of his friends kept him too. Support your friends when they need it and even when they do not. Ask how you can support them! Whether you are supporting with prayer, faith, money or gifts, remember the importance of why more than what.

• ask how you can be praying for them
• send them words of encouragement (scripture)
• share sermons and gospel songs
• become quick to listen and slow to speak
• remind them of who they are in Christ
• buy them Chicfila

I must say Paul did a fantastic job of giving us the tools to become better friends, better individuals, and better followers of Christ. While I wrote this, I couldn’t help but to think of the readers who went through each step, and realized they do not have any friendships or relationships to put these practices into place. Whether it is due to a lack of friends in general, or having friends who don’t know God. I encourage you to still ask the Lord to help shape and mold you into being this kind of friend. Begin praying for community. Just as we are called to be a friend, your Father knows you need friends too. Trust that He will begin to align your path with like minded individuals. Be sure to put in work too though! Faith without works is dead. Join the small group, invite that IG follower to church, start the book club. The Lord will guide you, but show that you trust Him by taking that first step!

Here’s to being better individuals in Christ as we gain fruitful relationships.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

John 15:12-15

After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.

Job 42:10

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24